hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
