my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
