Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
