I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
