Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This baby is an asshole
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
