I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
