So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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