Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
