somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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