Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
