i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
