Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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