I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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