I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
