Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
