Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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