just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
