i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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