Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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