I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
