So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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