I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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