I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
birth control should be required to get into college
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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