sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They took my balls.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
