he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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