New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
