Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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