I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
