I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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