he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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