Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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