Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
