Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
