She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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