I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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