Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
