i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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