I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize