She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
