I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
