Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
