Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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