I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
