I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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