I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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