I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
