i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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