You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
