my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
