I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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