So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
