Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
