i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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