SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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