Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
