Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
