She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
