Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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