I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I looked at my own cervix.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
