Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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