i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
