apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
