oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
