your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
