I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
love makes seman taste better
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
