She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Randomize
