doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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