Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My vagina just recognized that song.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
