We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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