You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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