My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
