you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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