If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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