i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
