I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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