im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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